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1.5 ft long CRAZY bananas
Feb. 22nd, 2009 | 05:11 pm
mood: 
stressed
music: ALICE 105.9
This week:
-I sang Maddie's part in Joseph.
-I got my english paper back =[
-I got delicious thin mint ice cream at coldstone
-I broke down in the middle of my german class
-I saw 2 different boys cry
-I went to a Black Heritage Forum
-I got a yummy recipe for mac-n-cheese
-I re-read the first 3 Harry Potter books
xoxo
Kristi
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hey there teenage baltimore!
Feb. 16th, 2009 | 07:48 pm
mood: 
cheerful
music: Hairspray
If you would have told me a year ago that Jocelyn, Becca, and Doron were on my top friends, I would have called you crazy.
I am on my way to being the happiest I have ever been. I'm making a deal with myself to be the best friend I can be to people in my life, and brushing off everyone who makes me sad. I am going to be stronger then I ever have been.
=]
xoxo
Kristi
I am on my way to being the happiest I have ever been. I'm making a deal with myself to be the best friend I can be to people in my life, and brushing off everyone who makes me sad. I am going to be stronger then I ever have been.
=]
xoxo
Kristi
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lost & insecure.
Feb. 12th, 2009 | 11:02 pm
mood: 
calm
music: The Fray
This week:
I cried every day.
I started talking to Cody again.
I started hating myself again. (directly related to the one above)
Me and doron decided to be friends. formally. lol
I made German valentines.
I performed on a stage.
I hung a scrim in the theater (really hard.)
I auditioned for APA.
Thank god it's Friday.
xoxo
Kristi
I cried every day.
I started talking to Cody again.
I started hating myself again. (directly related to the one above)
Me and doron decided to be friends. formally. lol
I made German valentines.
I performed on a stage.
I hung a scrim in the theater (really hard.)
I auditioned for APA.
Thank god it's Friday.
xoxo
Kristi
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I need a large soy latte,
Feb. 8th, 2009 | 06:33 pm
mood: 
depressed
music: Duffy
WARNING: this whole entry sounds really bitchy. I just need to get it out.
Why am I constantly messing up. I thought I had a new "group" I thought I had what I wanted. but really all I have is a group of friends in which I have to keep my stories straight, my allies/friendships hidden, and sneak around everyone on eggshells.
I think that the reason why I held onto Krista so long was because I secretly knew that I was the one that people liked more. I was nicer, and I was why they would want to hang out with us.
Please keep in mind as you read this that this girl is my best friend and I love her regardless of this rant I'm about to have:
People will not call Jocelyn out because she is the one with the power. If we had a tif I would have no one. she can screw me over more than I could her. she has everything on me and I have nothing on her because everyone LOVES her. She's too perfect/beautiful/smart/funny not to. She is the reason most people talk to me. If we were not friends I could tell you 20 people who would never give me the time of day. She is the one people like. I'm the afterthought. And people will tell me that I'm being stupid and insecure, but this is how I'm feeling. Jocelyn is the girl worth noticing. And I am there simply by association. there is nothing else to me but her.
I've never felt more like nothing then I do now.
And I wish I could tell her this but what would I say? Jocelyn you make me feel like shit but there's nothing you can do about it to fix it. That's why I can't tell her. And everyone I've talked to says to tell her but Idon't want to can't hurt her. All I want to do is be her best friend and make her happy. but all thats doing is making me miserable.
xoxo
Kristi
Why am I constantly messing up. I thought I had a new "group" I thought I had what I wanted. but really all I have is a group of friends in which I have to keep my stories straight, my allies/friendships hidden, and sneak around everyone on eggshells.
I think that the reason why I held onto Krista so long was because I secretly knew that I was the one that people liked more. I was nicer, and I was why they would want to hang out with us.
Please keep in mind as you read this that this girl is my best friend and I love her regardless of this rant I'm about to have:
People will not call Jocelyn out because she is the one with the power. If we had a tif I would have no one. she can screw me over more than I could her. she has everything on me and I have nothing on her because everyone LOVES her. She's too perfect/beautiful/smart/funny not to. She is the reason most people talk to me. If we were not friends I could tell you 20 people who would never give me the time of day. She is the one people like. I'm the afterthought. And people will tell me that I'm being stupid and insecure, but this is how I'm feeling. Jocelyn is the girl worth noticing. And I am there simply by association. there is nothing else to me but her.
I've never felt more like nothing then I do now.
And I wish I could tell her this but what would I say? Jocelyn you make me feel like shit but there's nothing you can do about it to fix it. That's why I can't tell her. And everyone I've talked to says to tell her but I
xoxo
Kristi
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here I am
Feb. 8th, 2009 | 12:59 am
I will always assume that all of you like her better.
Because that is how you act.
I needed you tonight- you didn't want to be there.
But if it were her, you would have dropped your life just to listen to her cry.
xoxo
Kristi
PS- this whole being happy thing isn't working for me.
Because that is how you act.
I needed you tonight- you didn't want to be there.
But if it were her, you would have dropped your life just to listen to her cry.
xoxo
Kristi
PS- this whole being happy thing isn't working for me.
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You wanna give it a go?
Feb. 5th, 2009 | 11:30 am
mood: content
music: Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
I'm gonna try really hard and have a good month, and keep a positive attitude. =]
xoxo
Kristi
xoxo
Kristi
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close my eyes
Jan. 27th, 2009 | 08:32 pm
mood: 
gloomy
music: Barlow Girls
Why do I feel like such a loser?
xoxo
Kristi
xoxo
Kristi
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Im not a whore I promise.
Jan. 25th, 2009 | 07:00 pm
mood: calm
music: Rascal Flatts
Goal: have sex in all these places before I'm 30.
- on a playground
- in an airplane
- in a tent
- on the hood of a car
- in a department store dressing room
- on top of a dryer
- in an elevator
- in a cornfield
- on a roof
- work/school janitor closet
xoxo
Kristi
- on a playground
- in an airplane
- in a tent
- on the hood of a car
- in a department store dressing room
- on top of a dryer
- in an elevator
- in a cornfield
- on a roof
- work/school janitor closet
xoxo
Kristi
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weakness
Jan. 25th, 2009 | 12:39 pm
mood: numb
music: Boys Like Girls
I don't have a "group" anymore. I wish I could be like "yeah we hung out this weekend" and everyone would know who I was talking about, the kind of group that's always together.
I don't have a best friend. someone who is just mine. someone who it's us and somebody else- everyone else is our third wheel. now they have all moved apart from me, and I'm their third wheel, their second choice, their friend on the side.
I've never felt more alone, and I know it's all my fault.
xoxo
Kristi.
I don't have a best friend. someone who is just mine. someone who it's us and somebody else- everyone else is our third wheel. now they have all moved apart from me, and I'm their third wheel, their second choice, their friend on the side.
I've never felt more alone, and I know it's all my fault.
xoxo
Kristi.
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heavy make-up and cut t-shirt.
Jan. 22nd, 2009 | 08:02 pm
mood: 
cynical
music: Eric Hutchinson
It seems to me that you always forget how much you like somebody. You convince yourself -once it ends badly- that you never really liked him that much in the first place. You forget the way your heart fluttered and your face flushed.
Then you go back and see diary/blog entries that remind you oh yeah- I actually cared about him. and it's a totally bizarre experience. Because being proven wrong by your past-self is totally off putting.
xoxo
Kristi
